Showing posts with label The Office. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Office. Show all posts

Tuesday

The Dirty Grapevine Chronicles I: Interoffice Romance

Several months ago I was walking by a co-worker’s cozy little corner office and glimpsed the sight of an odd scene; both her and her boss were picking up pieces of a broken chair from across her desk with puzzled expressions on their faces. I shrugged it off at the time and kept hauling to a meeting I was otherwise late for.

Months went by and this co-worker and I became closer friends. It became over the holidays when she got engaged to another employee of the sales team that the two of them had been in an office romance for who knows how long. (For the sake of privacy, let’s call them Harry and Sally. It fits, trust me.)

So the other day Sally, Sam and I headed out for lunch. It was one of those gloriously fabulous Fridays where our workloads were light, the bosses were out and we could take our sweet time doing whatever the hell we wanted after what felt like a week living in the seventh level of purgatory at the office. Naturally, cocktails were ordered with lunch (it was the happen medium to otherwise playing hooky for the rest of the work day; a fair comprise, we all agreed). Into the second hour and second round of drinks, Sally leaned in and began telling us the story of how her Harry hooked up.

Evidently, the two had become friends when Sally began employment, however both were in other relationships at the time; her living with some asshole she knew she needed to get rid of and he was currently going through a nasty divorce and custody battle over his two-year-old son. Nevertheless, they both flirted profusely as time passed and they both hit the single’s market.

One night last summer a team of us from both the marketing and sales divisions were working late into the evening on a client project. I specifically remember the insane deadline of 48 hours we were given when the bomb dropped on us. We all eventually trickled out of the building around 9:00pm, though no one realized these two were the last to leave. Sally grinned at us from across our lunch table, plates completely forgotten, as she recapped the story for us.

The absurdly heavy flirting that evening turned into a make out session in the conference room and was eventually taken back to her office. Staplers, pens and papers were flung off her desk in an attempt to make it into some form of makeshift bed. When that didn’t work, they fell off and onto the floor, landing on the chair across from her desk in the process. When the hot and heavy sex scene ended and they began putting the office back together before heading out, Sally realized one of the legs on the chair was nearly broken off altogether. Nevertheless, it was shifted back upright and straightened out as much as possible before jetting out the door.

The next day, Sally said, she had come in running late and had completely forgotten about the chair altogether. That is, until her boss came in bitching about her previous month’s numbers and plopped down in the chair. CRRACCCKKK! The chair broke right out from underneath him and he went flying backwards, hitting his head on the door. Sally bit her lip so hard it bled to keep from laughing hysterically as her boss, flustered and red by this point, apologized profusely (the guy is not necessarily a twig by any means). The chair was replaced with a new, more modern ergonomic chair within the week and her boss never found out exactly what really happened.

So as I sit her at my desk giggling to myself, thumbing their wedding invitation while recapping her lunch story in my mind, I realize that I am undeniably jealous of them. And how short life really is when we’re not really living it up, caring too much for rules and what other people might think. It makes me want to get out more. And break some rules.

Saturday

This Venting Will Blow Your Fake Toupee Off

Oh I told myself I was NOT going to do this. I was not going to use this blog as a venting post for my common (read: daily) frustrations with the office. I wasn’t but dammit, I’m going to. Consider it your warning.

I went into the office yesterday morning happy as all hell. The weather was beautiful, I took my sweet time getting ready in the morning and I was at the tail end of my project list for the week. I was thinking, surely I’d be damn near done with my day by 10:00am! Yeah, I set myself up for that failure. As soon as I got in and got settled one more major project headed my way. And this is the kicker- I’m often asked to perform tasks or complete projects with software I do not have access to, in a time frame in which I don’t have time to get approvals and purchase it in (let alone learn how to use it), in some form of a task I have no experience in (Really? Seriously? Where was that on my resume?) Welcome to fucking advertising and the world of graphic design. In a company with not enough designers on board.

So hours into this project, after going through the motions of thinking, “YES, I can do this!” and being proud of myself for coming up with a couple different creative solutions, and then later going through the absolute hell of frustration when it didn’t quite turn out the way I expected, guess who walks in? Oh yes, le boss!

He has this absolute wonderful talent of managing to climb over into my area as my brain is trying to process five different things going on. And while I KNOW DAMN WELL he can see I’m squinting in thought at my computer screen, he’ll insist on spurting out whatever is on his mind without any courtesy towards me.

“So you know about X, Y, and Z for this project right?” he spits out, complicating my project even further. No, how would I know that was required? As usual, no one tells me shit.

I glanced at him and nodded. “As soon as I can get X working the rest will fall into place.”

He shook his head back at me. “Why didn’t you ask Michael to help you?!” he roars back. Honest to GOD I just sat there stunned. I didn’t answer; I just starred at the condescending look on his face like he thought I was a complete idiot. I sort of stumbled over a couple words as he was walking off.

Now honestly, I’m not one of those people who happens to be incredibly quick at comebacks; I’m often caught off guard. If I was, I probably wouldn’t be employed for very long because generally the first thoughts that roll through my head would not be considered ethnically compliant for my corporate office. For example, yelling “you’re a fucking asshole and you HAVE NO IDEA what you’re talking about!” probably wouldn’t be ok. Chucking my gorgeous IKEA lamp at his head wouldn’t either (as often visualized in my mind) and frankly I love that damn lamp. So as you can see, this lack of ability has its perks.

Nevertheless, my boss has really been an asshole lately. Had he given me two seconds to explain, he would have found out that Michael- as awesome as he is at his job- A. didn’t know anything about what I was doing (I had already asked), B. gave me solutions he looked up on the internet of which I had already tried, and C. HE DIDN’T HAVE THE DAMN SOFTWARE. Fuck you very much.

And really, after almost three years you think I’d be given the benefit of the doubt that I know what the hell I’m doing. Like “hey, we’ve thrown enough shit at her that she’s managed pretty effectively given she had no idea what she was doing- maybe she might actually be on top of it this time.” I can actually hear Carlos Mencia in my head saying, “DUH DA DA DUH!”

Now I know I’m picking on my boss here. And frankly, he does deserve it, even though I think I know why he has acted this way most recently. You see, his focal point has been 110% on output. That’s it. Nothing else matters, no structure, formal job descriptions, the company’s finances, nothing. I’ve seen him ask ridiculous tasks of people with whom it is NOT their job to do (mainly because they were the closest person in proximity to him when he thought it up), and I had witnessed him all but completely waste the company’s money on useless presentations and materials that don’t even get used (particularly when traveling or having clients in). And really, I’m aware that our department is specifically under the gun of the higher up’s, I’m aware that the economy sucks… but you know what? All of these things may be true but it doesn’t provide any excuse, in my opinion, to not extend the most basic and common courtesy and respect in the workplace. Geez, we have to put up with each other (more so than that, actually work together as a team) for 50+ fucking hours of the week, so isn’t that the least we could do?

So atlas, I worked until almost 7:00pm last night then drug myself home, poured a glass of wine and bitched to myself about all of this. It is very frustrating to ponder that, given the balance between my income and the cost of living here, I almost made more money back home in MO waitressing. And that was good exercise, nice people, decent tips and no computer screens, carpel tunnel, or asshole bosses that need to put some more work into their people and management skills. I can now see why people go to grad school after college… really, all that work for THIS?!

Thank GOD it's the weekend!

Monday

Lack of Significant… Significance

Last week I had one of those days. You know, the emotional, almost-that-time-of-the-month days where my hormones thought they had free reign to bounce off the walls of my inner being and annoy the shit out of me. They hide dormant for three and half weeks then all of a sudden, WE’RE FREE! LET’S TORMENT HER BEYOND BELIEF! SHE’S NOT REALLY THAT BUSY WITH FINALS, SCHOOL PROJECTS, FINANCIAL AID APPLICATIONS, HER FULL-TIME JOB AND CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!! Fuckers.

This time however those emotions got to me because, as much as I hate to admit this, there was some validity to their point. And that point was the lack of significance in my job. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, believe in my company and even enjoy working for my bosses and with my co-workers. And I have sole responsibility to handle and manage a couple major roles in the company. However, on a day-to-day basis I just don’t feel like I have enough to do and thus feel like I don’t really have a significant impact. So I spent the bulk of one of my days last week dazed off and lost in my emotions over this. 

There are some other points to consider within these emotions before giving them any reign to actually be right however. For one, my last job that I left a year ago worked me to death. I also enjoyed it, mainly because of the very obvious significant responsibilities I had (evidenced by the massive dependence most of the executives had on me to simply show up on a daily basis). Buuuuttt I could easily state that I was overworked. Again, evidence provided by the fact that not one but three people are now doing what I alone used to do for that company and any time I’d go on vacation when I did work there, I had four people trained to back me up, a 40-page procedure manual typed up and bound and I STILL got at least two phone calls a day from my back-ups asking questions. 

So did I just get use to being so overworked for years that I now feel a severe lack of importance at my current job simply because I’m now NOT overworked? Or is there a valid point to saying I don’t have enough to do when I can get away with sitting on the internet for a couple hours a day organizing my to-do list, schedule, and homework? I suppose it’s really all a matter of perspectives really. But I had to give it up to my emotions driving a feeling of unimportance and insignificance at work…. They may be onto something. And only time will really tell.