Will Return After These Messages….

So evidently my little secret outlet here has become sort of popular while I was gone, as I’m getting “please come back” e-mails. It’s never official until the hate mail arrives though, or so I’ve read (in case you were wondering, that’s not really an invitation however….)

I apologize I fell off the face of the blogosphere planet these past couple of months. I will be back soon, I promise. Unfortunately for me, my little brother committed suicide two months ago and it’s been a rough ride since. He called and begged me for help that day, only an hour prior; I was at work and he knew that. He sounded more like he just wanted to yak my ear off, an annoying trait you can thank my mother’s genes for. I blew him off, had no idea. Mama missed his call, she was out. And my sister… yeah, doesn’t even have a phone. And we haven’t even seen one facial expression from her- on the rare occasion I actually saw her when I was back home- that showed she gave two shits about what had happened. (Refer to her story here).

Needless to say it left all of us guilt ridden and damaged; trying to figure out what went wrong in his life (he was only 22 years old). I could have taken out my frustrations and all around pissed-off-ness on this blog, but it was way more fun to press so hard on my journal pages that the ink sunk through eleven sheets of paper, then ripped the damn thing apart anyway and finished it off on a punching bag at the gym. You wouldn’t have wanted to go through that with me.

Atlas, I’m home and not going back and forth every weekend to Missouri taking care of family and cleaning stuff out. I've finally finished building a website in memory of him. I think I can officially put it behind me now. (At least I better; I’m paying out of my ass for a therapist to help me with it).
Look forward to me being back to normal and thus resurrecting my blog very soon….


Life in a Cube said...

I'm so sorry about your loss sweetie. Take all the time you need.

RCaitlin said...

I'm so sorry. That must be so hard.

sugarmouse said...

super sorry about your loss... stay strong. xx